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ROW80LogocopyWhat week is it again? What day? How have I lost track of everything in my life? So many dates and assignments and things due it seems like I can’t keep my mind straight.

It was either extremely challenging or extremely foolish to attempt to do both NaNoWriMo and my online class at the same time, let alone while raising an infant through his 8th month of life.

But since I’m using this NaNo to work my way through a rewrite of an older NaNo novel, my writing, at times, comes easier. But editing is never easy work. Constant doubt assails me. I see patterns I don’t like in my writing and not enough conflict. I recognize words I overuse and characters that are probably only interesting to me. I write too much narrative and not enough dialogue. Will anyone want to read this? Am I arrogant to think I can create something worth another’s time?

Sigh. A writer’s life is full of doubts. Full. Full to the brim, usually overflowing. Writing is not easy work, and the more I write the harder it seems to become. The more I write the more convinced I am that it requires a calling. Who would choose a life of self-doubt?

 

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Check me out on Instagram: @KelsieEngen

 

Other goals are going well. I’ve maintained my running, having promised myself I will not take three days off in a row from it. I’ve loosely made the goal to get back into half-marathon distances, but I’m not sure that I can make that kind of time commitment since I run with an infant and I’m a slow runner.

I need to bake a new loaf of bread, but I’ve been busy with NaNo and so my nap times have gone to writing. In order to meet my NaNo goals, I’ve also started getting up earlier, helped by the fact that the baby is somewhat sleeping through the night, only getting up once or twice now. It’s much better than the every hour he’d been doing, but getting him there has involved having him drop a nap during the day. So in order to have time to work on things, getting up early is a must (and I don’t like mornings much).

Bible study has been decent. Most days I manage to read a couple of chapters, and I hope that something is sticking.

I did fail to post on Sunday–Sunday is hard day for me to post. By the time I get home from church and everything, half the day is gone and I need to write, let alone take care of the kid. But I’m considering scheduling my week to take Sunday off of writing. I need one day where I don’t have to stress about not having written something, one day where I can truly relax.

The personal journal thing has just not happened. It feels like I just don’t have time. With everything else I want and need to do, taking time to write something else down that doesn’t really matter in the long run, feels like an additional bit of work I don’t want to do.

The only other non-writing goal I have is to meal plan, and I’ve not been quite as diligent about that as I would like either. I’m thinking more a day or two ahead, instead of a week ahead, which means there is a lot more scrambling throughout the week than I’d like.

Other than that, just the blog, which has definitely taken a hit since November (I.e. Nano) started. It’s hard to rationalize the time it takes to sit here and type a blog post when I have writing to do for NaNo, especially since I’m still 1000 words behind (and that’s only because I’ve played serious catch up over the past week). I started off behind, and still haven’t gotten all the way caught up. The good thing though is that I’ve made my goal 2K per day, and if I can manage that, I will actually finish early and/or have a few days that I can take off (like Thanksgiving).

So that’s pretty much it for this week…slowly drowning under the self-imposed goals and deadlines I have. 🙂 But I’ve also been more productive because of it, so…there’s a balance, I suppose.

 

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